Sunday, November 23, 2008

Wow... Nov seem to be flying by.... There have been many ups and downs this month...

I had a panic attack on one of the Mondays and decided to work from home. I think my home gives me a lot of peace as compared to the office. I am glad that Ms A is still my boss as i could openly let her know my thoughts, but i think i really scared her with my crying man. This was the DOWN part of the day.

I am glad there's a UP part that day. My cousin managed to get me the tickets to the YES933 private party for Fahrenheit and i went with Ms L. I had fun at the party although we were just sitting on the floor seeing them talk and play games.

Overall this month i feel very sianz with work because Ms A is leaving and i feel very alone with all the work piling on me. I am glad Mr F is around and i can see that he is trying to help me out. Thanks Mr F!

This Fri we went to Ms A's farewell party after the PFS party. We had our karaoke session @ Liang Court, and there was a competition - everyone has to sing 1 non-english/chinese song. I won the 4th position! And since it was a popularity competition rather than singing competition, i am glad i am relatively popular... hahaha. And as Ms A wanted to see me drunk, i went da-ing and i think i drank like 5 glasses of Volka Ribena before i realised that i was drunk. That's when i started to cry, laugh plus i pinched Ms V's cheeks, threw tissues at Mr F, slept on Ms V's lap, hugged Ms A. I think i really scared my new boss Ms AC man.. hahaha... In the end, Ms V and Ms A sent me home. And i really it really sucks to be drunk. After sleeping a while, i woke up and felt terrible. Hugged the basin and vomited! I felt terrible! The next morning, i forced myself to go to the Jap class but only lasted an hour before i decided to head home. Slept till 3+ then rest a while and i forced myself to attend the wedding....

Now....? I am trying to do my office work but the P drive is not working. If it continue this way, i am going to call our ITO again! I need to work!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

612星球

A new song from SHE that i really like a lot recently.... 我会幸福吗? 在什麽时候...

满园玫瑰我以为找到我那一朵
认真爱了却狠狠刺伤我的双手
责备什麽人也没有用
玫瑰都红难免看错望着天空
爱是风活在童话里头
小王子说有些事流浪过才会懂
原来每颗心都有个洞
找不到真爱会一直寂寞

我但愿有一个人在等我
在属於我的612星球
好让我忍着痛也愿意往下走
不快乐至少要有梦
一定会有一个人在等我
无条件拥抱着我的所有

想遇见我还要翻越多少山丘
花别谢太快请你等等我擦干眼泪
一个人漂流在这宇宙

小王子说爱一定开在某个角落
不想相爱的人那麽多
我会幸福吗
在什麽时候

Wedding bells are ringing....

Recently i have been attending quite a number of weddings. One in Sept (my JC friend), one in Oct (my Pri school friend), and in Nov, will be my UOB friend wedding. All these friends are of the same age as me, and the first 2 are guys! Shouldnt guys get married later?! Anyway, the point is, i am constantly reminded that i am still very single.

I am generally not very confident of myself, and the fact that i am still single does make it worse. There must be something wrong about me. Other than being fat, are there other bad things about me? This is a constant thought recently, and i feel miserable as i slip in self-pity. Everyday i try to make sure that i am very tired before i attempt to sleep so that i will not have the chance to slip into deep thoughts on why i need to pity myself.

I need to do something soon. 27 turning 28 soooooooon.... 2009 is just around the corner...

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Black face ME

Recently i was reminded again that i have a black face and is fierce. This came from a VP from another team and my own boss another VP agreed. My boss say i also sounded very fierce over the teleconference that day too. Oh my, am i really that bad? Face fierce, voice also fierce.

My office people all seem to think i should smile all the time and be more friendly. BUT my point is, why should i need to consciensiously put on a smile and sound friendly? Isnt it already quite tiring to just work? Cant i just be friendly to people that i want to? For people who dont know me well, must i really care about how they think? Life is so tiring.

My AVP and VP also want me to be more sociable and network more but i just cant do it. I am too shy to start a conversation and i cant continue one sometimes cos i am just so NOT knowledgeable lor. Sometimes they talk about trips, then all the unfamiliar destinations' name will appear (mind u, i am still confused which countries are in Europe and which are in US), sometimes they talk about the economy, and i am just so NOT aware lor. Sometimes they talk about where to eat, and all the names of the road will just confuse me. I feel so hopeless sometimes, like really no substance.

My AVP and colleagues also remind me to start saving but i just feel like rewarding myself now and then, and of course $ wont grow lor... those 2 yrs plus with the BAST**D really put in misery and i cant help pitying myself and to reward myself from the escape.

I just want to be ME. ME who will smile and laugh when i want to. ME who will grow out of her shell when she is ready. ME who is trying hard to make herself happy.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Sometimes...

Recently i have some thoughts... i keep seeing so many good things in people that i really wonder why i cant be like them. Like i have a colleague who knows Jap language, lived in Japan for one year to work and study Jap (what an experience!), knows how to play piano, and a lot of the chinese instruments, good in mandarin, and english also not bad. Very confident lady. I wish i can be like her.. She is Ms BN, my real life idol recently.

Sometimes i will think in this way, if i am stuck in a crisis with this person, and only 1 person can survive, it really shouldnt be me. E.g. she is such nice a person, if she dies, a lot of pple will be sad. she has a bf, if she dies, it will be so sad.

Worse, sometimes i think in this way... when i die, what will people think and say at my funeral? And will there be many people who will cry and say they will miss me? I quite doubt so. But if i really die, i hope i have left some nice thoughts with my friends, and that i have made their life a little brighter. . . .

Sunday, August 10, 2008

M.I.A Part 2 - The lazy week

Lucky for me, i have nice bosses who gave me a day off after working through the weekend. So i got to rest at home on Monday and i really didnt go out at all cos i was TOO tired. I did nothing but watch tv and eat.

For the rest of the workdays, i was feeling so lazy and restless. Really dont feel like working, like my lifelong target has gone missing. Next time after such fairs, i MUST plan a longer leave to rest.

Another guilty thing that i should have done is to practise my Jap cos i started class on 2 Aug. Its interesting but i am plain lazy to practise. I MUST MUST practise soon cos there will be dictation... YEs, i know dictation at this kind of age but mind you, i am not the oldest in the class.

On sat, i set off to Batam for a much awaited spa treat with my Fantastic four gang. More information can be found in Ms K's blog so i shall not say much here. But some thoughts that i have... Its amazing how i got closer to this gang... If not for Mr T's kindness to invite and nag me to join his gatherings (with people that i do not know at all, and are definitely younger than me), i would probably still be in the self-pity mood after breaking up with the B_STARD. I spent most of my fridays with the gang since 1 year plus ago (just confirmed with Ms K that i met her in Dec 06) and i am glad that i have them. People who are always there for me. But one bad thing though, the couple's dates are always very bright with 2 big lightbulbs. Hahaha... I wish me and Ms P can get a boyfriend soon so that their dates can be less bright!

Well Well..... next week i think i should be M.I.A again cos i am going to Bangkok! Friday morning flight and back on Monday late night. I must remind myself not to splurge too much for this trip cos i still have a Japan trip coming up - and i will be able to get my new wallet then!

Hope this workweek will be more productive!

M.I.A Part 1 - The fair

I know i have not been keeping up with my blog.... It's all for a simple reason. I am feeling very tired.

Lets backtrack to last week... Its was my last min. dash to the event that i started planning since May and everything is SUPPOSED to be perfect. But i guess life is never predictable and there's no thing such as 'supposed'. First, i realised one of the gifts that i wanted to use for the spin the wheel prize is out of battery - all 17 of them. So, i had to bring it down to the servicing centre in a rush to beg them for their speedy help but they couldnt turnaround. FINE.

Next, on thur when all the goods arrived at the fair, i then realised that i have SO MUCH stock and it will not fit in the space that i share with the partner. My first instinct was to rely on my most reliable friend cum vendor (Mr maggi) for a solution (i am v. disappointed with myself for overlooking on this storage issue, and my boss felt i shouldnt have relied so much on my vendor). Finally this was solved after Mr maggi found a general storeroom and spent some time exercising his muscles to help me carry all the stock in all by himself.

The worse thing to happen is from the Friday evening when competitor's staff started complaining to the organiser and we have to change this, stop that etc all the way to Sunday 6pm. Luckily by Sunday i have already calm down and had the 'everything can fall on me' attitude. But this attitude did not just come suddenly. On sat, i was feeling so bad about the whole situation, so i called my ex ex boss Ms L to just chit chat with her and i broke down in tears. She consoled me (although she was in pain as she just sprained her leg) and said that i did what i could already and people complain about us because we did a great job and they felt threatened. Love you Ms L for all the encouragement and care over the years!

On Sunday night, i was so glad that everything is finally over. The stop to hours of hanging around the fair, hours of staying in the storeroom facing the wall, feeling of fear. I am looking forward to next year when i can have own booth and be OFFICIALLY there!

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Lessons

Today i had my last piano lesson. Its kind of sad that i will no longer have the chance to look forward to the lesson and meeting my teacher. Today she complimented me for my improvement and told me that i can look for her if i need to ask qns. She is so nice... Too bad she doesnt teach other courses.

Next week i am going to start my Japanese language class at Ikoma Language School... A bit looking forward to it but also quite worried cos its 3 hours per session and i would think that it will be very tiring. I must persevere! I look forward to the day that i can speak fluent Japanese language!

Work life has been busy as usual and the campaigns that i am handling will happen on 31 July and 1 August, so really hope things will work out fine this coming week and i can rest properly on 4 Aug. All the best to myself!!!!!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The other half

My family just bought our 2nd home last week and just now we were having a discussion on whether we should move over. My comments? As long as i still get my room, and i can get bigger wardrobe, i really dont mind! Haa.. sound bimbo ya.

The strange thing is, my mum once again try to sneak in the message that i am no longer young and i should find my different half soon. She said that i should find someone so that i can have company when i grow old. Then i asked her, how to find one? Go to the street to grab? Surprisingly, she said 'go internet lah'. Wow! I thought parents always thought its dangerous to find friends over the internet? Are my parents modernizing faster than i thought?

No matter what, i think it will be a long wait for them to see me get a boyfriend. Basically i dont get to meet many people and naturally i have a black face which turns people away. Haa... Dont catch me in the morning because its worse. Beware!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

宅女

i think i can really be considered 宅女 this week. Home, work, home, work (not even going out of office building for a nice lunch) , and weekend activities is just home and dinner at my cousin's house. This is like so different from my last Saturday. Strange.

I have been sick almost the whole week... Flu has been making me so weak that i worked from home on one of the workday, and i even skipped my regular Friday gathering because i wanted to rest a bit and to practise piano. But in the end? i skipped piano class on Sat cos i was still feeling a little weak and decided to make myself rest more over this weekend.

Tomorrow (monday) i will be working from home again in order to fetch my sis after her work. All day long alone at home. I wonder if i will feel lonely. I have lots of work to do, and i hope that later and tomorrow, the remote access will work perfectly... *pray*

Today i just checked my hotmail and realised that Fahrenheit's concert in HK is confirmed and they are allowing priority booking for members. I really hope i can go for their concert in Spore in Dec. It's something that will let me look forward to. Cos in life, there's really nothing much to look forward to. Really nothing much. I am just trying to find happy things to fill my empty life.

Looking forward to 4 Aug, where my major campaigns would be launched, and by right i will have an easier life in office (keeping my fingers crossed). Hope everything will go well in these 2 weeks.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Busy Saturday

Yesterday was such a fulfilling day... And i am glad that i have today to rest...

9am - at OCBC, HSBC, Citibank settling things for my parents

11am - pop piano lesson ... this time, my teacher seem to be happy with my progression.... only 2 more lessons to go.... so sad.. i hope to learn as much as possible in the coming 2 lessons...

12+ /1pm - met up with my uni friends. I havent met Ms PJ for the last 5 yrs since we graduated, so it was great that we finally get to see each other.... and i got to see my good friend Ms YX's 10 month old boy... Happy

4pm - went mani & pedi with Ms A. nice color and svs but really too slow...

645pm - supposed to reach by 530 but was delayed by the mani pedi session. Met up with the 7 flowers of my ex ex team... so sad that i couldnt stay long enough to catch up with all of them.... hope to see them soon...

720pm - finally reach the wedding of Mr K, an ex colleague of mine whom i always treat as a young kid but he is actually older than me. I am so happy for him to be settled down with his loved one... and he has a great job now too.. Good for him! He well deserved it for being such a nice man.

11pm - Mr T and i went to meet up with Ms P & Ms K for tea... and i think we stayed till 1+ i think...

Tiring day but very fulfilling... writing all these down to remind myself not to pack so many things in one day again... next Sat will be better... ONLY 2 or 3 things planned i think.. haahaaa

对的人

Recently i come to know of this song through one of my ex-bosses (a very sweet kawaii lady) and i loved it! Not only it enable me to sing cum 'shout', the lyrics is very meaningful too... it seem to remind me that i shouldn't rush into finding another half and should look carefully. But really, there arent many places to look though... Recently i dreamt of my ex-ex boyfriend, and when i woke up, regrets filled my mind again that i have given him up for a rotten person.. Stupidest decision that i have ever made. So, its really important to find the right person! I must must must drill this into my mind and never make the wrong decision again. My life is already filled with enough regrets.

那次流过的泪
让我学习到
如何祝福如何转身不要
在眼泪体会到
与自己拥抱
爱不是一种需要
是一种对照
爱虽然很美妙
却不能为了寂寞又陷了泥沼
爱要耐心等待
仔细寻找感觉很重要
宁可空白了手
等候一次真心的拥抱
我相信在这个世界上
一定会遇到
对的人出现在眼角

Monday, June 30, 2008

命中注定我愛你

This is a nice show that i am catching on youtube every week.. i really like the show but so far, i havent got the guts to re-watch it cos some parts really twist my heart.... hence i have been re-watching my favourite favourite show 花样少男少女again instead. I get to see my favourite female artist - ella + one of my favourite male artist - Wu Chun everyday this way...

I think i really should live in taiwan instead. I love their entertainment industry including the variety show and serials. I have this thought before, and would still like to do this... if one day, if i am still relative young, without a family of my own (= no husband, no kids), and i find out that i have an incurable disease, i will fly to Taiwan and beg HIM to hire me so that i can be near to my favourite artists (those 2 that i mention above).

I know that this is a strange thought, but it is really something that i would like to do ... something that i dont have the guts to do if i am not going to die soon.

Conclusion: I really have no guts now otherwise i will be quitting my job and go live in taiwan now.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

First time

Hmm... i am starting this blog as i was encouraged to do so by Ms K and Mr T. I think it will be a good channel for me to express my thoughts - mostly sad ones i think... My life is not too interesting, u see. The part that is different from the norm is something that i cannot share with everyone, and it should remain as a rotten memory in a few persons' mind. But this memory is coming back quite rigoriously recently and its painful. So painful that i had to force myself to continue working instead of hiding in a corner to cry all day on one of the Mondays. I think the effect of this memory is still bringing me down, which i hate. i hope i can once again make myself forget about it again.

Am trying to keep myself busy so that i have less time to think. But becos of this, there's are things that i SHOULD be thinking of but i simply chalk it aside cos i dont want to have time to think about anything at all.